I could fall into a barrel of tits and climb out sucking my thumb.
Radiate_Nyla on
“He’s shakin’ like a dog shittin’ a peach pit.” ~From my welding mentor.
2ndCha on
Grabs popcorn
jenzieDK on
Driving a tractor trailer through Wyoming in high winds: “This damn wind is shaking me around like a screaming baby”
Savior-_-Self on
I couldn’t get laid in a woman’s prison with a pocket full of pardons.
SuccessfulWinter9163 on
“Rainin’ harder than a double-cocked cow pissin’ on a flat rock”. Thanks dad.
totallynotpoggers on
How is this a face palm
Ediwir on
Said of someone with many frequently changing partners: “banging like a screen door in a hurricane”.
Bonryunonochi on
“bout as useless as tits on a warthog”
Aggravating_Termite on
An Australian favourite, the response when asked “Are you’re here to [insert thing to be done].
“Well, I’m not here to fuck spiders”.
robdingo36 on
If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.
CUNTALUCARD on
My Pop had the same luck as he would always say It Could Be Rainin’ Virgins And I’d Still Get A Case Of The Clap.
ipoopinurcoffeenao on
No facepalm detected, hilarious tho 🤣
the01li3 on
Bot ass post.
Burden_Bird on
“Closed up tighter than a bull’s ass in fly time. “
Lrgindypants on
I like “my luck is so bad, it could be raining vaginas and I would still get hit on the face with a dick”.
Lucky-Sorbet-1363 on
Asshole sucking Levi’s.
idleWizard on
“She was fingered more than a pub peanut bowl”
EveInGardenia on
Countryisms are my favorite! I’m particularly fond of “crazier than a shithouse rat”
bigdust80 on
Yeah. We got a way with words down here. “I wouldn’t piss on his gums if his teeth were on fire.”
rebelevenmusic on
Hot as two rats fuckin in a wool sock.
Colder than a witches titty.
TRR462 on
I had a coworker from Texas who’d say some lady was: “Colder than a witch in a brass bra, face down in the snow!”
wearslocket on
Just cuz ya put boots in the oven don’t make em biscuits.
Lack668 on
As much use as tits on a fish.
Had more pricks than a 2nd hand dartboard.
As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike (Dads favourite)
You could throw it at the ground and miss!
volvavirago on
Sounds like something Dolorous Edd would say.
Competitive_Coat3474 on
Referencing the humidity, my first employer (service station) proclaimed, “It feels like standing in a bucket of warm piss.”
He wasn’t wrong.
Puckwallow on
My middle aged female white co worker looked me dead in the eyes and said “I gotta go squirt in the dirt, be right back” Other gems have included: “Oh man, these motherfuckers are dry humping my last nerve”
Admirable-Deer-9038 on
And I came to the comments hoping for more. Not disappointed. Thanks you for making to laugh!!
kcsapper on
After watching someone do something really dumb my uncle said “That man is as sharp as a softball.”
30 Comments
Where facepalm ?
I could fall into a barrel of tits and climb out sucking my thumb.
“He’s shakin’ like a dog shittin’ a peach pit.” ~From my welding mentor.
Grabs popcorn
Driving a tractor trailer through Wyoming in high winds: “This damn wind is shaking me around like a screaming baby”
I couldn’t get laid in a woman’s prison with a pocket full of pardons.
“Rainin’ harder than a double-cocked cow pissin’ on a flat rock”. Thanks dad.
How is this a face palm
Said of someone with many frequently changing partners: “banging like a screen door in a hurricane”.
“bout as useless as tits on a warthog”
An Australian favourite, the response when asked “Are you’re here to [insert thing to be done].
“Well, I’m not here to fuck spiders”.
If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.
My Pop had the same luck as he would always say It Could Be Rainin’ Virgins And I’d Still Get A Case Of The Clap.
No facepalm detected, hilarious tho 🤣
Bot ass post.
“Closed up tighter than a bull’s ass in fly time. “
I like “my luck is so bad, it could be raining vaginas and I would still get hit on the face with a dick”.
Asshole sucking Levi’s.
“She was fingered more than a pub peanut bowl”
Countryisms are my favorite! I’m particularly fond of “crazier than a shithouse rat”
Yeah. We got a way with words down here. “I wouldn’t piss on his gums if his teeth were on fire.”
Hot as two rats fuckin in a wool sock.
Colder than a witches titty.
I had a coworker from Texas who’d say some lady was: “Colder than a witch in a brass bra, face down in the snow!”
Just cuz ya put boots in the oven don’t make em biscuits.
As much use as tits on a fish.
Had more pricks than a 2nd hand dartboard.
As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike (Dads favourite)
You could throw it at the ground and miss!
Sounds like something Dolorous Edd would say.
Referencing the humidity, my first employer (service station) proclaimed, “It feels like standing in a bucket of warm piss.”
He wasn’t wrong.
My middle aged female white co worker looked me dead in the eyes and said “I gotta go squirt in the dirt, be right back” Other gems have included: “Oh man, these motherfuckers are dry humping my last nerve”
And I came to the comments hoping for more. Not disappointed. Thanks you for making to laugh!!
After watching someone do something really dumb my uncle said “That man is as sharp as a softball.”