Unlearning everything my parents taught me has made me a significantly better human being. My father’s raging tantrums were my model for dealing with any frustration whatsoever, and I still struggle with this, but I remember very specifically just stopping in the middle of one one day and realizing I didn’t have to act like that and the situation was much easier to deal with then. Like a switch flipped.
totallynotpoggers on
As someone who was hit as a child, it didn’t help shit and my parents have told me many times they regret doing it.
stifledmind on
My dad repeatedly beat me to the point he was eventually arrested and removed from the house. Not “spanking”, but literally a grown man beating a child.
When I was 9 he slammed me against a window throwing me out and I landed on the front porch roof. He was finally arrested a year later. There is only so many times you can lie about bruises and broken bones before people catch on.
After my dad was gone, there was nothing my mom could do to keep me in line. I made my own rules. Honestly, I am surprised she didn’t kill me during the few years I was acting out.
I do want to note that my dad was suffering from PTSD and sometimes was an amazing father, then for seemingly no reason, would snap. Although he was a monster, there were still happy memories. Fuck the VA for not taking his PTSD seriously.
ConnectionOk8273 on
So basically, this is NOT a facepalm ?
Present-Party4402 on
I commented on a thread that there is no valid reason to hit a child, and someone chimed in that they were a really bad kid and if they hadn’t been beaten they would have turned out so badly. This unfortunately illustrated my point.
Vict0r117 on
My parents beat me for pretty much everything. It didn’t teach me not to do those things (many of which were just normal kid behaviors or even just elements of my actual personality they didn’t like that I couldn’t stop doing even if I wanted to.) What I learned was how to lie and conceal critical information from my parents to avoid their wrath.
I think back on some of the hair raising stuff I hid from them that they never found out about and just feel a lot more motivated to be the kind of parent whose kids can come to them about anything without fear. I want my kids to know that no matter what happens or what they may have done wrong, they have me in their corner and I will teach them how to handle it.
A_norny_mousse on
What? This lady has it completely backwards.
Gemtree710 on
Glad I read parenting books and magazines
iitzShorsey on
They shake their head in disbelief, wondering how some still think yelling and hitting will magically teach kindness.
Troublemaker_Cake on
Also, the science on this is literally more unanimous than climate change. Punishment, whether a child or an adult, literally does nothing to change behaviors in the long term, and instead often reinforces and intensifies the current behaviors.
BettingTheOver on
I get what she’s saying but a big problem with many kids is they aren’t taught because the parents don’t know how to teach with kindness and love. They offer no direction and then get beatings for things not fully explained to them. Many kids get way more aggression than love.
12 Comments
Unlearning everything my parents taught me has made me a significantly better human being. My father’s raging tantrums were my model for dealing with any frustration whatsoever, and I still struggle with this, but I remember very specifically just stopping in the middle of one one day and realizing I didn’t have to act like that and the situation was much easier to deal with then. Like a switch flipped.
As someone who was hit as a child, it didn’t help shit and my parents have told me many times they regret doing it.
My dad repeatedly beat me to the point he was eventually arrested and removed from the house. Not “spanking”, but literally a grown man beating a child.
When I was 9 he slammed me against a window throwing me out and I landed on the front porch roof. He was finally arrested a year later. There is only so many times you can lie about bruises and broken bones before people catch on.
After my dad was gone, there was nothing my mom could do to keep me in line. I made my own rules. Honestly, I am surprised she didn’t kill me during the few years I was acting out.
I do want to note that my dad was suffering from PTSD and sometimes was an amazing father, then for seemingly no reason, would snap. Although he was a monster, there were still happy memories. Fuck the VA for not taking his PTSD seriously.
So basically, this is NOT a facepalm ?
I commented on a thread that there is no valid reason to hit a child, and someone chimed in that they were a really bad kid and if they hadn’t been beaten they would have turned out so badly. This unfortunately illustrated my point.
My parents beat me for pretty much everything. It didn’t teach me not to do those things (many of which were just normal kid behaviors or even just elements of my actual personality they didn’t like that I couldn’t stop doing even if I wanted to.) What I learned was how to lie and conceal critical information from my parents to avoid their wrath.
I think back on some of the hair raising stuff I hid from them that they never found out about and just feel a lot more motivated to be the kind of parent whose kids can come to them about anything without fear. I want my kids to know that no matter what happens or what they may have done wrong, they have me in their corner and I will teach them how to handle it.
What? This lady has it completely backwards.
Glad I read parenting books and magazines
They shake their head in disbelief, wondering how some still think yelling and hitting will magically teach kindness.
Also, the science on this is literally more unanimous than climate change. Punishment, whether a child or an adult, literally does nothing to change behaviors in the long term, and instead often reinforces and intensifies the current behaviors.
I get what she’s saying but a big problem with many kids is they aren’t taught because the parents don’t know how to teach with kindness and love. They offer no direction and then get beatings for things not fully explained to them. Many kids get way more aggression than love.
Yes, but it makes for a good stress relief